Keeping it real like a spray-snow tree...

I realize that a post about my international students is long overdue, but this simply has to come first. Thankfully, it is mildly related.

"Meine Kinder" and the "Crazy Finnish Guys" recently took a weekend trip to Vegas. When I picked them up at the Nashville Airport, they were giggly little boys rambling on about inside jokes of maintenance man exhibitionism and Santa Claus.

Apparently, it's a Finnish legend dating back to a popular 1920's radio show that Father Christmas lives on top of Korvatunturi peak in Savukoski, where he can eavesdrop on all of the Finnish children to make sure they aren't being bratty little bastards.

I guess in a fit of that "what happens in Vegas..." kind of drunkenness one of my Fins made a Korvatunturi reference, and it soon became integrated into our everyday jokes. In yet another drunken fit a week or so later, on my birthday, I made some snide comment about Santa. I was commanded to write Santa a formal apology within the next twenty-four hours and then deliver it to the Finnish guys for review. This is the result.

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Dearest Santa Claus,

Remember me? I came to see you at the Rivergate Mall in Nashville, Tennessee in the United States back in 1992. I asked you for World Peace, and you never delivered. What the fuck is up with that? This letter was intended to be an apology, so let me begin by saying I am sorry that I have several bones to pick with you. Here lays the list the bullet holes.

Firstly, I do not believe that some magical, bearded wanderer who can absolve all of my sins was born two thousand years ago in a stable in the Middle East in the dead of winter, and therefore I don’t need a fat, jolly, old fogey with a bad case of rosacea to fly from Korvatunturi, Finland, and sneak around my house late at night on the aforementioned savior’s alleged birthday. Not to mention, I think the radical fundamentalist Christians are a little pissed about you stealing Jesus’ thunder every year. I do, however, admire your humble and inspiring sense of giving. In fact, I would probably like you more if you performed this selfless act on another holiday, perhaps New Years Eve. Since you insist on performing your deeds on a holiday that I don’t celebrate, you have become useless to me.

Also, have you ever stopped to ponder repercussions of your actions? I realize that your heart may have originally been in the right place, but your traditions have resulted in greed, materialism, over-consumption, and devastating amounts of pollution and landfill waste worldwide. I suppose that I cannot blame you for all of this. I mean, it’s not like you invited the corporate sphere to bastardize and corrupt what was once an innocent act of caring… or did you? I feel I can never trust you, Santa. You are one relentless mother fucker. I am unable to escape you. You have completely infiltrated the psyche of my society, so even if I did want to escape your grasp, and I do, I would be unable to do so at the risk of offending or disappointing friends and family who wouldn’t understand my adamant lack of gift-giving. It’s not that I’m stingy. They’ll still get something for their birthdays, and maybe even New Years, if that whole concept ever takes off. Geez.

My only hope is that your reaction to my opinions will not result in my banishment from Korvatunturi. From what I’ve heard, it is the place to be.

Sincerely,
Kassi Elizabeth Thomas

Gypsy Rose, pt. 1

As I haven't been utilizing this blog to its fullest potential, I thought it would would be silly to start another. So I'll be posting the setlists to my radio show, Gypsy Rose, here as well. Since it's a world music show, focusing on the music of Eastern Europe, it seems appropriate to incorporate it into this quasi-travel blog. And maybe I'll find the time to hash out some of the thoughts bouncing around my skull as well.

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Tuesday, 9/7/10
Gypsy Rose, 1
Csokolom - "Amari Szi, Amari" (slow version)
Fanfare Ciocarlia feat. Esma Redzepova - "Ibrahim"
Leningrad - "Mama, Nalivay!"
DeVotchka - "Head Honcho"
Beirut - "The Gulag Orkestar"
Kal - "Oh Ma Cherie"
Zdob Shi Zdub - "Na Rechke, Na Rechke"
Gogol Bordello - "Illumination"
Perkalaba - "Boogay"
Shukar Collective - "Gipsy Blooz"
Romano Drom - "Deta Devla"